10 Ways to Spot A High-Maintenance Woman

high maintenance women

My fiancee will argue this to her death (mostly because she always has to be right- and that’s not because she’s high-maintenance, that’s because she’s a woman), but she’s a hard one to please. Being high-maintenance isn’t the kiss of death to a relationship, but it helps to be able to spot it all the same.

  1. She wants to you to drive but is backseat driving like it’s her job. She texts and drives all the time but the second you try skipping that obnoxious Ariana Grande song that keeps coming on Pandora you’re berated for safety precautions or lack thereof.
  2. Getting dressed to go out is a chore. Even if she doesn’t spend 2 hours in the shower or putting on make up, there’s still a good chance finding an outfit will make timeliness an issue when meeting up for dates or going together and meeting friends. She needs your approval on every outfit, but when your reaction isn’t good enough (or it’s the wrong one) you run into the danger of the night never beginning.
  3. Her Bravo shows take precedence over sports. Somehow she guilts you into watching the Housewives of some random city‘s reunion show. You think you’re being the bigger person for giving up the first half of the game and following along with your fantasy team on your phone. Then you find out that the reunion show is THREE PARTS! What can they possibly rehash on camera that these idiots haven’t dissected a million times over on the after-shows dedicated to the scripted(supposedly non-scripted) crap they spew out in the first place?
  4. She can’t sit through movies. If she’s a millennial, she’s impatient by default. If not, then it might be because she’s high-maintenance. You finally get to see a sequel to a movie that is 10 years in the making and she wants to halfway through because she can’t pay attention.
  5. She loves your cooking so much that she’s sworn off even attempting the simplest of dishes. I didn’t walk with the women’s march two weeks ago, but gender roles aren’t a thing anymore. Remember?!? Offending women because they’re supposed to be good at cooking and taking care of kids and other such things is sexist.
  6. She needs to hear “I love you” every time you get off the phone. What’s so hard about telling the person you’re with that you love them? I mean, you’ve said it before, what’s the big deal? But when you’re in a rush or just calling to check up or a number of other dumb reasons, it’s just not necessary. It doesn’t mean you don’t feel that way. But her constant need for affection is just too much sometimes.
  7. No matter what, you can’t be romantic enough. It’s not enough saying “I love you” all the time. You’ve gotta actually show her how you feel too. Taking her out on dates or surprising her with flowers isn’t just a nice gesture, there’s some expectation that it’s going to happen. And whether you’re made of money or not, holidays better involve her raking in some sweet fucking gift or else.
  8. If someone famous (or posh) has it, then she wants it too. It doesn’t matter that you’re living check to check or that you’ve just bought a house and need to get your shit straight, she saw her favorite celeb wearing Stuart Weitzman’s and she’s gotta have ’em or else. Good luck paying off that mortgage, bro.
  9. She thinks guys are just nice, not that they want to get in her pants. Let’s do a role reversal and pretend you were the single (but totally don’t do this out loud because she hates hypothetical of hypotheticals-it’s all technically cheating). If you were friendly with a hot girl that let you say what you wanted and text her freely, wouldn’t you think she wanted the D? Guys are never “just nice guys” when it’s public knowledge that a girl is taken and these interactions are still taking place.
  10. When she does something wrong it’s because she was drunk. She gets wasted and acts a fool and the next day she’s sorry. You forgive her and forget about that shit. The next weekend you go out and get fucked out of your mind and you’re the worst person ever. She can never live that shit down.

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