Everyone’s A Critic

Yelp Food Critic

Apparently it’s possible to wake up one morning and assume you’re a professional (or even casually serious) writer. Every day there are people on Yelp who make a point of driving home the idea that your opinion matters. Because, in actuality, your opinion really doesn’t fucking matter.

Yelp has created a way for people to become snobbier and more pretentious than they could ever imagine being in person because they have the ability to sit behind a computer and type bullshit on end. Though thoughtful and purposeful in theory, the reviews have just become public forums for trashing local establishments and padding egos of idiots all over.

Why the fuck do you need to have friends on a site to review restaurants and bars? Don’t we already have enough social networks to last a lifetime? You’d think the asshole calling out other assholes for being bros would just chill on judgmental tone and talk about the fucking food rather than the decor and ambience that should’ve told him he wasn’t welcome in the first place.

Just like in real life, the only people who take the time to harp about a particular topic well after the fact are the people that stay up late at night worrying about inconsequential shit rather than just living. Did the food really ruin your weekend? Or are you just sad and lonely?

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