That Guy: Who Never Outlives College

College Bros

The gift and the curse; living four years (and usually longer) the way most can only dream. Then comes graduation and for a while it feels like you never left. Homecoming is right around the corner and you’re not yet an afterthought but instead a legend. Can you ever get away from? Do you want to?

There’s two kinds of bros we are talking about here: the guys that are the quintessential Uncle Rico (from Napoleon Dynamite) living out their glory days 20 years later and the guys that don’t care about or aren’t interested in living like time stopped. And that guy can make or break an evening out with the boys.

On one hand, being the coolest dude anyone knows/knew has its perks. But living that life every day or even just every time you link back up with old college buddies can wear on a person. It can also give someone a larger sense of worth than is accurate.

Meanwhile, everyone is living their life with the assumption that the aforementioned dude is off living like a fucking rapper or professional athlete. Little do they know he’s a regular guy. He puts his pants on one leg at a time and then typically goes to sleep dick in hand.

You will find this guy at weddings either regaling of times past in which they were the best at everything or sitting back becoming nauseated at the same kind of storytelling that others force them to listen to of such events. Old friends think it’s flattering, but that guy just doesn’t want to hear it anymore. There’s a reason he doesn’t talk to you anymore.

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