I’ve Got A Chubbie

Chubbies bros

So the Summer season has been in full effect for a little while now and the heat has been around even longer. Chances are you’ve been to the beach a few times and noticed what other bros are wearing at the pool bar or on the actual sand (remember that time you’d go to “the beach” to actually go to the beach? weird). Chubbies used to be a fad and now they are a full-blown trend.

Just short of that awkward dude wearing denim daisy duke cutoffs, Chubbies have been a surprising new trend that bucks the ideology of previous male trends. Longer, rugged looks were considered more manly. Only a lesser man would ever wear short shorts regardless of how in shape he was. But with time skinny jeans (or at least fitted ones) became commonplace to men everywhere and it was only a matter of time before shorts followed suit.

The same way that clothes can be too small on chicks, shorts already designed to be tiny can hug the shit out of your nuts and not be a good look for dudes. On top of that, having chicken legs doesn’t accentuate the look. So going for a fuller pair of shorts is likely the way to go. Either that or finding a less gaudy pattern as to not call too much attention to your problem area.

Now the Chubbies brand is a label that has become a universal word similar to Kleenex or other generalized brands that I’m too lazy to think of. Point being, there’s the real and fake. Length and flair and important in discerning between the two (that and the label in the back).

And there’s always a rule bros. If you’re going to wear Chubbies, do yourself a favor and stay away from those cold conditions or sticky situations. Nobody wants to see your junk. But more importantly, if you spill out of normal bathing suits or have tree trunk legs (not made of muscle) then sticking to form-fitting beachwear might be more up your alley.

Chubbies brosIf going for the shorts and heading for a night on the town be mindful of what you are exposing. Girls with dresses and thongs (or no underwear at all) have to constantly think about the wind picking up or remembering to cross their legs. No one wants to see your balls, bro. Be careful about that shit. And if you’re going to tuck your shirt in, be mindful of how much you look like you’re still 6 and yo’ mama dressed you up. Seriously, it doesn’t make girls want to fuck you any more. Dress responsibly, my friends.

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