Dine Like A Bro

There’s nothing more obnoxious than someone that holds their utensils like sledgehammers or grips them with closed fists. People that eat sloppy are just asking to get called out. And putting your napkin in your shirt makes you look like a tool (even though I have a very refined Uncle that still does it).

Growing up in a house of privilege you can’t have shitty manners. If there was one thing my Dad wanted his kids to know, it was how to act in public. And it all starts and begins with table manners. So before you even get to the table, take a look and make sure the women haven’t sat down yet. You don’t sit down until every last woman has taken her seat.

Once you sit, wait for the drinks then unfold that napkin and put that shit in yo lap. Wait until the last person (or woman) has been served, dick. Obvi, you work your way inward with utensils. Traditionally, you’re going to want to use opposite hands to cut and hold the meat (or whatever you cut) in place. Then you switch hands and grub.

6ae99cd143f1de82dd433bfac4b21e89When you’re finished with your meal, place the blade of the knife inward and the fork nestled just inside the knife. Then make sure they are in the 4 o’clock spot so the servers know when you are finished. Keep your napkin on your lap until you’re ready to go or until the meal is cleared and it’s just drinks on the table. Then when the server is picking up the check, don’t be a dick. Unless the service sucks always pay 20%. The standard used to be 15%, but that’s not really okay. Sometimes the service does suck.

So be aware of shit when you go out to eat. You don’t want people to think you were raised by animals. Let other people look stupid. But always have those manners. And one more thing, keep them elbows off the table!

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