For the longest time the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition was the equivalent to conservative people as other like-minded but more revealing publications like Playboy and Hustler. Now there’s so much porn on the internet that there’s no reason to waste time not reading the articles.

Yet, for some reason, there are entire shows dedicated to the annual edition as though it might make dudes want to buy it more. Yes, show me all the girls that I will put in my spank bank for free and I won’t imagine things on my own. Stupid.

It all went downhill when they started putting athletes into the thing. Do I really want to see muscled up chicks in bathing suits? No thanks. My self-esteem has already taken enough of a hit. It might have been racy 10 years ago, but I can see women wearing less on a Saturday night.