5 Things to Avoid on Valentine’s Day If You’re Already Single

  1. Stupid lists outlining ways to get laid or talk to women. As if that wasn’t a daily process, get some fucking originality already.
  2. Watching Valentine’s Day movies are the worst. Not that you’d want to watch them anyways, but they will be just about all that is on TV. Stream all the Rambo movies. That will fix everything.
  3. Don’t plan anything romantic or sexually-inclined. This has nothing to do with sexual prowess. Any guy with a brain can get laid on V-Day if he wants. Just stay up for last call. But this holiday is all about getting your hopes up. Don’t make it any worse, dude.
  4. Avoid big groups of friends. Hanging out with friends while everyone else that’s coupled up is second nature, but doing it on Valentine’s is asking for a spotlight on your lack of success. Don’t be that bitter person that not so secretly doesn’t want to be alone.
  5. If you’re an asshole every other day of the year, then stay that way. They say you should treat every day like Valentine’s Day. Why change now?
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