Snowmageddon

There’s so many things that come to mind when uttering this currently trending hashtag on Twitter. Most interestingly is that while this large mass of reasons to get drunk and Netflix spans a large part of the country, it’s not going to last forever. There’s been longer storms of greater accumulation and worse repercussions than a couple days of shitty to non-existent driving.

A couple feet might sound like a lot (and it could feel like more with snow drifts) but until my water is shut off and I have take a shit in a bucket(shoutout to Winter of 93? I think), then this storm isn’t quite as powerful as one might hope. However, the destruction that ensues is why everyone gets so stoked about a mini-unplanned holiday with epic proportions depending upon how you take advantage of this stretch of time.

One thing is to look for is people busting their asses. It will happen. And when it does it will be hilarious. Just don’t be that guy. Because it hurts and you will mental scars. You don’t need particular essentials like water, and salt, and eggs, and all that other shit. First off, you will be too drunk or occupied with extra-curriculars to go outside. There’s always substitutions for those things and said substitutions usually come in plastic bottles and are manufactured in Russia.

If you work somewhere where driving is expected, your boss is an asshole. I braved a State of Emergency once for a job and lived to regret it. If you have any chance of working from home (and obvi drinking and Netflixing) then get right on it. If you can’t, then a serious change in career choice might be necessary. But for serious, this is the perfect timing for most everyone as far as the time of the week that it falls under. It’s the weekend. You were going to be out of control in the first place. Why not have a history-making adventure?

So let’s review, in case you didn’t catch all the bare essentials necessary for surviving what many are dubbing Snowmageddon. 1. Snowshoes or boots (no one said ANYTHING about a snowsuit- some bars office free tabs to assholes in shorts so go for it). 2. Have alcohol, a friend to have fun with (whether platonic or the sexy time variety), or something mind altering or mood-enhancing. 3. No working. Unless you are being offered free sexual favors or a considerable raise, you should just relax and take it easy. So starting Friday afternoon, stay off the roads and stock up on brews and enjoy your weekend!

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