Breaking the Bank

know-thyself-SpreZZaturian-happy-times-money-bathingHow has someone not won the Powerball yet? Why does it ever get to this point? The only thing it ever does for the normal people like us (assuming you don’t live in a double-wide or have some terrible gambling debt) is waste a few extra bucks while some stupid inbred takes the money in bulk and loses it all before their kids have the opportunity to get married and keep the money in the family.

Not sure I have any interest in getting a ticket at this point. My bank decided to take $1000 from me for no reason at all. Then again, all but two single dollars of my cash deposit yesterday would go in the machine. They were folded awkwardly and thus would’ve been nicer flattened out. And yet I think maybe there’s a reason for that. Maybe there’s lucky numbers that will come to me. Maybe.

But who really expects to win? Does anyone really go into the process with any other expectation besides disappointment? The winning total continues to rise for whatever reason and all people can talk about is how much you lose in taxes. Seriously, who the fuck cares about what you lose? Aren’t you just losing something you never had? I’d gladly have that shit taxed and then split up by 1,000 if it when getting several million dollars for guessing the correct numbers.

The current number we hear is 1.5 billion. If you’re taking the lump sum it would be around 930 million, or about 38% of the original total. Who’s going to complain about that? Not me. Even taking the money in 30 payments over 29 years might actually be worth it in this situation. Nevertheless, there’s so many things you can do with that money. If someone can spend roughly $33,000 a year for 30 years out of a million bucks then imagine having 930 times that amount? Okay, do the math. Are you done? That’s $30,690,000 a year. If you can’t make that last then you’re fucked.

But then again there are also federal taxes that take an additional 25% off the top (or all the way up to 28% for those with SSN’s and 30% for foreigners). Fucking foreigners best not win this Powerball. Would not be a good deal. Though I’d be curious to see what would happen if someone from a questionable country was to have a winning ticket. So the additional 232 million would come into play. Then you have to think about the additional 15% in taxes that would come next season. Try doing TurboTax with that shit. You’d fucked if you spent all your money as that numbers is about 136 million left to pay. In total you’ve got about 562 million to play with. Not bad.

So while we will all run out to convenience stores to buy tickets and waste our money, let’s just think about what ridiculousness that all this causes. Now think about the payoffs and how they are going to make your life significantly easier. Okay… if you don’t buy a ticket and you have some extra single dollars laying around then do me a favor and put some tickets in my name. I’ll thank you later.

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