We all know them. We all have friends that fit into this category. And at times, we may have even fit into this category. If you’re telling me that you didn’t go through that awkward phase we call puberty. Then you’re an asshole and I call bullshit. But if you’re reading this then you either understand sarcasm when you hear it or you are simply just that great at life. Either way, the guy that clearly lacks any fashion sense is the one bro that simply doesn’t fit.
All the other variations of misfit dudes can get around being an asshole, or too needy, or always drunk. There’s a way to turn that sort of thing off or tune it out. Those kinds of friends don’t pull us down to their level and make us look pathetic for hanging out with them. But standing next to a dude that is guaranteed not to get lucky pretty much ensures the same for you. He’s the Andre from The League. It’s tough to be the creepy and that serious, but there is such a thing.
It took me a while, honestly, to give up popping collars and the like. But eventually you give things up because it either goes out of style or someone that sucks starts wearing it (and not in the elitist hipster kind of way). And yet there’s always some dude that didn’t get the memo that’s stuck wearing those gaudy shirts with sequins and big obnoxious letters all over them. Tight shirts never went out of style, the term is just more commonly referred to as “fitted”. You know, because it actually fucking fits. No one doubts how many times a week you use the ab roller and how many calories you burn on the elliptical. But while real men are busy working out and get real exercise, they also take a second to think about wearing clothes that fit. It’s not like it’s some double-standard and guys can get away with anything and women will be vilified for looking trifling. Come on, this is the 21st century. We’re not complete sexists here.
So before you head out to the bar do yourself a favor. Don’t be that guy. And if you meet that guy out for a drink, make sure you have a solid backup plan. Because you’re in for a long night, and the guy that looks like he gets his fashion advice from Carlton Banks probably won’t be doing any favors by showing up looking like a square.