The Pretentious Bourgeois

This is what you wish your life was like.
This is what you wish your life was like.

Oh you fancy, huh? For as much as poor people seem to hate rich people, they sure don’t mind using names more appropriate for those of privilege. This didn’t just pop up out of nowhere. People have been naming their kids crazy shit for at least 30 years. African Americans (because let’s be honest, white people sure aren’t doing it) have been giving their kids names with a little French thrown in here and there. Yes, there’s names that don’t phonetically make sense. But that’s more on the individual than anything. White people of the lower class (or basically anyone that’s not a mulit-millionaire) have been naming their kids names only found in old money New England.

Now everyone and their mother wants to name their pretentious shit that they would likely only have named their dog. I’m not saying your kid will get beat up for having a waspy name, but your kid will likely get beat up for having a waspy name. Maybe in the next 10 years there will be so many idiots naming their kids Bentley, Preston, Parker and whatever else you can think of that the kid that gets beat up is the kid named Mike. But I doubt it.

It’s not like anyone is going to forget that you were on 18 and Pregnant or that you have a tramp stamp of Brett Michael’s face or that your significant other (because you’ll never “really” get married) has cousins that are your cousins. I get the whole idea of trying to be trendy or whatever I guess. Except this is your kid’s name, not yours. So what if you didn’t make it to the NFL or the 11th grade? Don’t set your kid up for failure before they’ve even taken a step. Conversely, it’s just like whoever’s bright idea it was to name Destiny (I know it spelled it wrong, but what constitutes spelling it right?) Hooker. Didn’t her parents know that she’d sound like a stripper at a club with midgets missing appendages and patrons missing their sight?!?

This is what your life actually looks like.
This is what your life actually looks like.

Ridiculous. I know of a kid who named his daughter a mix of two names of girls he wasn’t friends with in high school. Divulging the names would give it away, but know that they weren’t names were common by any means. So just stop with all the dressed up names. No one thinks your kid is any smarter, nor do you look any fancier.

 

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