10 Biggest Bros: NFL

Why does this list read more like “The NFL’s 10 Least Likeable Players“? Well, all of these dudes have something particular about them bro enough to put them on this list regardless of the ability (or lack there of) to perform on the field. And to be honest, not ALL of these guys are douchebags. It’s more half and half than anything else. The following list (in no particular order) includes the players currently playing in the NFL who most personify what it means to be a bro. Subsequent lists in other various major sports and entertainment will be posted in the future.

Manziel doesn't hang out with dogs (in reference to the costume, duh!)
Manziel doesn’t hang out with dogs (in reference to the costume, duh!)

Johnny Manziel. He likes to party. He doesn’t apologize for it. He dates models and fills Instagram with copious pictures of hot girls. Yeah, his performance on the field in his limited opportunities has been flawed. But as long as he has a job (and that might not be very long), Manziel will be bro-ing it up having as much fun as humanly possible.

Rob Gronkowski. This brings us to the Gronk. Dude couldn’t be more awesome. Or at least that’s what everyone wants to think. The ESPN video of him playing with kittens is just annoying. The guy can do no wrong. It doesn’t hurt that he’s the premier tight end in the game (sorry Jimmy Graham). Banging porn stars is old news to Gronkowski. Imagine how much tail he cleaned up at hottie-heaven University of Arizona.

And now you can see why he got married.
And now you can see why he got married.

Tony Romo. Carrie Underwood? Jessica Simpson? Probably not at the top anyone’s current Maxim Hot 100 lists, but still a decent haul. He’s wifed up now, but this fantasy football star (yes, he was pretty good this season) has remained relevant as the QB for America’s favorite team. That’s gotta count for something.

Once upon a time Miles Austin was only one of a couple black pro athletes to have slept with Kim K.
Once upon a time Miles Austin was only one of a couple black pro athletes to have slept with Kim K.

Miles Austin. Not everyone is a fan of Kim Kardashian, but it’s not because she’s unattractive. This guy knows all about it. And while locking down something like that may be impressive, not marrying her may have been his best decision yet (albeit, not financially). This guy is a household name and he was only good for 3 seasons at best. Crazy.

No. The black guys aren't professional athletes, but the photobomber is!
No. The black guys aren’t professional athletes, but the photobomber is!

JJ Watt. He does a few cameos on The League. And what’s cooler than that show? He’s the first player to ever have two consecutive seasons with 20 sacks (he did that this season without a dominant force lined up opposite to him. And who else just so badass that they are revered by all kinds of bros (even though he admittedly avoids much the nightlife being an NFLer has to offer)?

One of many side-chicks who happened to have a main man.
One of many side-chicks who happened to have a main man.

DeMarco Murray. DeMarco wouldn’t be the guy you trusted with your sister, wife, girlfriend, etc. But if you wanted someone to party with, he wouldn’t be a terrible option. Leading the NFL (and also setting a Cowboys single-season franchise record) in rushing yards he really brought this guy to new heights. After the whole cheating scandal he just picked up where he left off and kept carrying Dallas to the playoffs (with an injured hand!).

Dude is a rare breed.
Dude is a rare breed.

Arian Foster. Admittedly, he’s a pretty clean-cut individual. It’s more about his style, flair, and overall personality that are so impressive about Foster. He’s a complete beast on the field (when he’s not busy getting hurt) and he’s made tons of noise without a great QB or offensive line in front of him. Whether it’s a good thing or not, this kid has “future ESPN analyst” written all over him.

Checking stock at his most profitable sponsorship.
Checking stock at his most profitable sponsorship.

Tom Brady. If you’re not a Patriots fan then you don’t like him. Why would you? He’s a whiny bastard who’s a spokesman for Uggs for Men (because that’s an actual thing). But then you remember that he’s won a handful of Super Bowls and has an obscene string of consecutive 10-win seasons active. And oh yeah, he’s married to a supermodel.

A model, you say? Nope! It's just Eric Decker. Guy is almost too pretty. It's sorta sickening.
A model, you say? Nope! It’s just Eric Decker. Guy is almost too pretty. It’s sorta sickening.

Eric Decker. At first glance, you might wonder about his inclusion on such a list. But the dude cleans up. Have you seen his wife? They had a lame reality show on E! and I think it’s been re-upped for another season. After a season with Peyton Manning, Decker was productive as a #1 wideout in one the NFL’s worst offenses. That’s gotta count for something.

One of many mug shots. Gotta love Pac-Man!
One of many mug shots. Gotta love Pac-Man!

Adam Jones. Pac-Man loves him some strip clubs. So much that he couldn’t stay away even when he was told he would be suspended for doing so again (it’s a recurring theme in the NFL, but they’re kinda entitled, so yeah). There’s not much else to say on him without just watching the dude play, but even guys with such immense talent can flop and still be big successes in the world of bro.

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