That Guy: Who Never Pays You Back

In one of many separate installments of That Guy, we will take a look at the bro that just can’t seem to ever pay anyone back on time. You know you have that friend, the guy with every reason to be able to pay you back but just never gets around to it. This is the guy that might know you are struggling with money in the first place. It’s not that he doesn’t care (or usually anyways), it’s that his inability to focus and/or remember anything ever keeps him from doing anything that doesn’t involve instant gratification.

If you’re the nice guy or just the guy that happens to be standing in front of him at the time, you know it’s coming. The best way to avoid this guy, and the future hardships that are to come when dealing with him, you need to either come to terms with the fact that you won’t be paid back at all before you “lend” said money or you need to let him know of the hell that will be unleashed if not paid back within a reasonable period of time.

I’ve had two such friends from completely opposite ends of the spectrum that were equally as cheap even if they didn’t put that out there to everyone and their mother. One such friend was a college bro that grew up in a life of luxury and Jewdom. His father was the inventor of a well-known common household item and his house (and life) was stocked with it everywhere you looked. He wasn’t the smartest, funniest, or best looking kid, but he had a shit ton of money and friends in high places. To preface this you need to know a few important facts about the kid to understand just how cheap the fucker was to have this kind of tendency. He bought kegs every weekend, spent tons of cash on coke, weed, and other things I didn’t care to partake in, and he had free entry into other schools upon failing out of college and yet he did not take them. Upon leaving college he started several clothing companies with help from daddy and then eventually opened a boutique with a famous athlete whilst appearing in an article in GQ Magazine.

So the kid was never hurting for cash and when he asked to borrow 60 bucks for weed I figured it would be returned with interest if all else. Instead, he led me on a several-month long wild goose chase of bullshit that involved countless excuses and situations that I watched him purchase other expensive things without finding the opportunity to allocate the amount of money towards paying me back. In truth, the kid wasn’t as good of a bro as I had once thought and it was far from my loss and riding anyone’s coattails just ain’t my thing. But for a dude just sitting on a pile of money to be so sheisty was a definite sign. Even when it’s not your money that you lend, it still is nice to get that shit back. When I was still (completely) living off of my parents many assumed they could count on me. Only in specific situation was that true, and relying on someone is completely different than counting on them.

Bro #2 was one of the worst of the worst. He’s a kid that lives by the idea “school’s for fools”. He still has total fucking Peter Pan Syndrome and will never, ever grow up. At some point in time, fucking high school girls via Facebook Chat and throwing house parties at a place where you are just sleeping on the couch won’t be alluring to anyone besides himself and he will just the Uncle Rico-type standing next to his trailer talking about the good old days when he could throw the football a quarter-mile (or his case, playing professional soccer). This kid had a few components of the kind of person you may want to associate yourself with. He was very personable, a smooth talker, and he was generally happy and positive. He always wanted to have fun and rarely was a buzzkill. On the flip side, he was selfish as hell and immature as can be. The kid was 6 years younger than me but I had know him for a few years and didn’t have many other bros that weren’t wifed up and/or married to their jobs.

This guy would get paid doing odd-jobs sporadically and have a few hundred bucks at a time that he would use to fund his pre-paid cell phone (because people still use those) and then a night of debauchery at the bar and usually buy several drinks for me. So when we decided to have a Halloween party a few years back and he said he “lost his wallet”, I just sort of went with it and paid for all the alcohol that was to be purchased. I was still struggling to pay the few bills I had and wasn’t really in any position to spend half the money I did, but the night after the party sucked I heard nothing from the kid. He didn’t reply to texts (because I know he replied to other people), he rarely got back on Facebook, and totally bitched out on a 2-year friendship that had never had an issue prior.

In short, don’t lend anyone money. If you trust your bros enough to pay you back, then assume that you are giving them money in good faith and don’t EXPECT a return. That guy is always looking for the next sucker to fuck over.

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