I speak for bros all across the globe when I say this: If you have an ounce of originality, confidence, and/or ability to think on your own, you don’t need advice about sex. You do, however, need advice on relationships, fantasy football, and world news (among other topics). Coincidentally, I cover all important events in said categories. But telling a dude how to take care of his lady-friend is crossing the line. Telling stories about how you smashed some chick in the church parking lot is worthy of praise, but telling bros how to do it is fucking lame.
No guy wants or needs to be told how to get laid in this day and age. Sure, any female with a pulse (and probably without for all we know with the obsession with zombies) can get laid whenever she wants. She doesn’t need to be attractive. She just needs to have female genitalia and vocal chords (though that may be negotiable in certain instances). So why do we see all these help and advice columns about sex and how to get it? Even I’m not too sure. And as a writer that prides himself on making fun of sexual situations and the shenanigans that ensue as a result, it baffles me that anyone would attempt to cover such a topic.
In a time where there are plenty of websites and apps to specifically find people for sex, you’d think guys wouldn’t need to look for secrets to find willing participants. If you need advice on how to go about doing things once you’re in position to get laid, then again you need to check yourself on that one. Researching the finer arts of sex and talking to more experienced friends helps to a certain point, but if you know anything about life (as in sports) practice makes perfect. Plus, if you’re in a relationship it’s tough for sex to suck that much because if it did, you wouldn’t be around to know any different. So for the sake of all the different articles accumulated in mass amounts on the regurgitated sites out there, this is bros everywhere telling you we don’t care what you think.