Not So Fast

a56fbabb41a1eda43be729d4e4f291b7It’s easy to see what makes America the fattest country in the world. The food that is the worst for you is most commonly the cheapest. Go to your local grocery store and try to buy anything that’s good for you and tell me you don’t emerge from the day spending way more than you expected. But you have to want to stay in shape and take care of yourself. So sometimes you have to make sacrifices to live well. Lucky for you, this isn’t another chance to lecture on the importance of eating well. That’s on you to deal with.

What was once a reasonable moniker for McDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s, and every other fat-packed restaurant, fast food just isn’t fast anymore. Maybe it’s the minimum wage workers that don’t speak English or the pathetic standards to which they are held. Sometimes fast food tastes great. In fact, most of the time it tastes great. It helps when you don’t have to think about what’s inside what you’re eating or who made it (and what they did to it while making it). Even Subway and Quizno’s take their sweet time being what they called “sandwich artists”.

The problem with fast food and being a salty customer is that you never really have much of an argument when you’re paying dirt cheap prices to eat food that you don’t have to do much in the way of slaving over. But it’s just so easy to not lift a finger and instead stand in line for what should be less than a few minutes. The other issue that should be taken with these so called fast food chains is that nothing ever looks the same as the commercials. Even what you envision shit to taste like isn’t on the same level. There is a reason for the first gripe; the food is staged. They have people that take the time to dress up the burger and glue shit together to make it look gourmet. And then when you actually make the purchase it’s sloppy and rushed. Boo. This video shows what we mean.

It’s not much different at the more traditional chain restaurants. Bob Evans sounds so tasty when you look at their menu. Hell, Denny’s even sounds sort of quality. Though in reality anything tastes good at 3 in the morning. Why would you go to Denny’s any earlier? Most of the chains like Applebee’s and Ruby Tuesday’s have salad bars and just scream redneck. If the Oreo cookie sundae wasn’t so fucking good there would be no reason to go to Applebee’s (or is TGIFriday’s?). It’s not like Panera makes it any easier. You think because it’s trendy and makes all their shit in-house that their food isn’t any less unhealthy. They also take their sweet time whipping up your order after they drain your credit card for 10 bucks per item. That shit isn’t worth it. It’s not even that good. Maybe if you’re snooty and have to choose between Panera, McDonald’s, or dying a slow death it’s the easy choice, but places like Chipotle are no better no matter what you think.

So if you can find a girl to constantly make you sandwiches, you have money to buy food at the supermarket, or you like starving yourself then take those routes because waiting in line for an exorbitant amount of time to inhale poor quality food for a price that isn’t worth it no matter how much you save, then do it. You can thank me later.

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