Bro Life

0d464ea387311a1288e04202ebf85305Netflix just keeps impressing me more and more. I wanted to see Don Jon went it first came out and finally did when I clicked on it the other night. If ever there were a movie that was made for bros, this is it. It’s all about going to the club and looking for options with the boys while using the rating system. Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who also stars in the movie, directed the fucking thing. Amazing.

Dude plays an Italian-American (the best kind of Americans) named Jon Martello who loves sex and porn. He also has a fondness for his car, his family, and church. Managing to lay quality tail like Scarlett Johansson is epic in itself. Transitioning to Julianne Moore is disgusting, but the idea of finding an older sexually-awakened broad is always a good deal. It’s a take on what relationships are largely about these days, the importance of sex and the boundaries within all of that. If monogamy weren’t a big deal there would be less divorces, but society has taught us that once we wed we must be with one person for all eternity. Some men can deal with having one woman and they are just fine. Sometimes one woman is enough (or that’s what the man says). Sometimes people want variety and both agree on it (i.e. open relationships, swinging, friends with benefits, etc.). And sometimes people just bide their time until they can’t take it anymore. Not saying monogamy is a bad thing at all. In fact, it’s a very healthy thing. But people have fantasies and if a relationship only ever involves two people in said fantasies then you are looking at one boring future. [tangent over]

In all actuality, all you need to see is the first 10 minutes to know that this movie is totally bro enough for anybody looking.  Let’s be honest for a second, there’s very few other things that men younger than 30 think about besides money, women, sex, and sex. Any guy over the age of 15 that says he doesn’t jerk off is full of it. Yeah, in a perfect world guys would get laid at the snap of a finger (girls too, if they are equally down). But even dudes that live with girls (whether in a relationship or not) don’t have that kind of luxury. So porn comes into play. And every dude that’s been in any kind of relationship where their significant other lords over their shit has had a woman get upset over them watching porn instead of wanting to just have sex.

Women don’t understand that it’s a necessary end to keeping us even keel. Don Jon might take it to a whole different (and likely excessive) level, but don’t act like you haven’t been there before. Porn is the reason the hand-job isn’t really a thing past early teens (or is it earlier for kids now?). Once you have a handle on your own goods, there’s no better at doing what you want done than yourself. Sometimes that shit backfires on you and you’re left with some horrible issue like delayed ejaculation (yes, that’s a real thing). But for the most part, it’s just something guys do to keep from doing dumber things (like cheating).

Don Jon simply takes the time to point out the thought process that most (if not all) men follow while looking for potential friends (or otherwise). I’d rather not address relationships and such on a deeper level, such as why and how people get together. Though we know that physical attraction is one of, if not the most, important of things in pairing off. By no means is this a movie masterpiece worth pining over and watching several times again and again, but it doesn’t suck either. There’s a reason why it got sold out to Netflix so quickly, but the general context and relevance of the movie with regards to how bros and other gentlemen alike function is noted.

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