It’s not about getting lucky. Really. None of this has to be luck if you just make a few changes. And yes, I realize this isn’t every guy’s problem. But it does apply to a lot of dudes. If there’s one good thing that’s come out of being in a relationship, getting to watch tons of dudes get turned down with hesitation has certainly gotta be up there. These rules might not be for everyone. But trust me, there are a lot dudes that should take a look.

e2fccbb0c09c1df9601d2db05aa6683e1. Having such high standards is not a good starter. Not saying there isn’t quality talent out, just saying that they aren’t as likely to throw down with just anyone. You’re more likely to find a suitable friend with benefits on a dating app than while you’re busy inhaling anything in liquid form within reach.

2. Confidence. If you don’t have it, then you’re in trouble. If you do have it and you’re still using common lines to open up conversations, then you’re pretty much guaranteeing to go home with your hand for the night. Girls just want a dude that can say what he wants, when he wants it, and not be a dick while managing to be somewhat genuine.

3. Girls dress for other girls. Yeah, girls dress slutty for dudes too. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t worried about how other girls look at them. With that said, don’t dress for other dudes. Not sure that NEEDS to be said, but then I go out and noticed other bros wearing sequined shirts that are so tight you’re wondering how they get enough oxygen. That, or they are complete fucking clones of their friends and don’t stick out enough.

4. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you have to drink, you can still find a girl dumb enough to go home with you. But the exception ain’t the rule, my friends. And the best way to ensure quality (over quantity) is by keeping your buzz without going overboard.

5. You’re going to a bar looking for a relationship. Going into any situation expecting shit is just going to be a letdown, but having fun isn’t out of the question. Still, using that terminology can likely get you into hot water with chicks that think you mean it in the general sense. Little do they know all you want to do is hook up and maybe see her once more ever again.

6. She’s good looking, but is she someone I could actually want to contact to hang out and not hook up with? It’s not always so crystal clear. It’s not until a few dates down the road that you get into the skeletons and such that would likely scare you away. So you either gotta keep from getting too serious or just figure that shit out quick. Think of how many bad drivers are out there. It’s bad decision-making. Now think of how bad all those fuckers are at judging character.Yep.

7. Hoes before bros. I know, I know. That’s not supposed to be how it goes. But after a while you gotta think, am single because I suck or because of the people I hang around? Girls label groups of guys and then proceed to keep their distance when they know what to avoid. Having some annoying friend that is either creepy/too eager/not good-looking enough/broke doesn’t help. If you don’t already have some serious standards for your friends, then you’re probably really hurting.

cashmoney8. Being cheap and being smart aren’t the same thing. In fact, not buying drinks for girls is not only cost-effective but it is secretly a power-play/respect kind of thing that let’s women think they still have some sort of control. Which, let’s be honest, is long gone if you have any kind of game. And we all know that girls just prey on naive dudes that wreak of desperation. They are going to flash an inviting look, say hello, pay attention for a half second, and then bolt as soon as their drinks are across the counter. You can be chivalrous without depleting your bank account for some random chick.

9. Update the lexicon, bro. I may be a huge bro, but I don’t actually call people “bro”. It’s been cheapened over the years by dudes that couldn’t carry my jockstrap. Successful salesmen aren’t good at what they do just because they are clever (assuming that’s the case), it’s because they can talk their way out of any situation. Bullshitting 101 will tell you that at least attempting to act as if you have some form of education beyond 10th grade goes a long way in getting a girl to continue listening even AFTER she realizes you’re not so secretly a bag of dicks.

10. Be original. It might sound generic and corny to some degree, but who wants someone that is exactly like everyone else? It’s not just your style or aura. You’ve gotta come off honest. Otherwise you’re not getting a date with a quality girl, much less a second one. Pickup lines aren’t an actually thing. So unless you’re looking for a chick that is only looking to make sandwiches and wait on hand and foot, you should actually make an effort.


10 Reasons Why You Aren’t Finding A Girl at the Bar


Marriage Equality and Finger Accessories

ee942209f00958cd3314ea3908fe4aefAs different friends and family tie the knot and/or get engaged the very real possibility of my own life heading down that path really has crossed my mind. And yes, my girlfriend has also mentioned it a few times (a stop keeping track a while ago). But you see all these girls on social media and in the press showing off these big rocks that they are getting from guys. It’s nice. The opportunity to show someone how you really feel about them and just HOW MUCH you love them is something that inevitably comes down to money and just what you can afford.

But no one is thinking about what dudes have to deal with. The women will spend hours/days/maybe even years thinking of and perfecting every little aspect about their wedding only to defer to their father or husband to pay it off. But what if you’re in one of these 21st century relationships where the real breadwinner is the woman? Are roles reversed? Or does the guy and measly income have to step it up and buy some gaudy ring to show off to your best (jealous) friends and everyone else in the world?

Well whatever the case, and I’m plenty traditional myself, there has to be something said for just how crazy it is that guys aren’t given the option of a TV or gas grill or something else fucking awesome as a consolation for when homegirl gets her engagement ring and you blow your entire month’s (or life’s) pay on something that will be showcased on the finger of someone you hope to be with forever (assuming you’re not among the 60% of divorcees in the country today).

I’m not suggesting that anyone will ever want a man ring. The same way that ear rings were really only meant for girls, bros don’t want some flashy crap to risk losing while doing manly things. We just want our little slice of something great to feel like we are also in this for the long haul. It’s like Valentine’s Day or any other Hallmark holiday. Why do I have to show you that I love any more for this reason when I show you every other fucking day? And why is it just me? Maybe I want to post a picture of me next to the kegs of my favorite beer that you bought me to watch the game with a few of my closest friends to brag about how excited I am for a one-day celebration.

And I totally don’t want to sound cynical or non-traditional. There’s plenty of women that don’t want the kind of big, lavish, meaningful wedding that I will eventually have, but why can’t I have statement-making gift along with my sugar-icing cake and it too. By the way, if you invite me to a wedding any time soon and the icing is whipped then we will have problems. But there’s gotta be a time where the man stands up and is given something close to what he deserves in this world of inequality and injustices. So I urge men everywhere to start a movement for the equal opportunity of gift giving in the spirit of love and happiness and whatever other bullshit is spewed between wanting the biggest rock money can buy.