THREADS

Take A Look, It’s In A Book

Aside from corner store boutiques and upscale expensive designers, virtually every department store and big retailer clothing store is attempting to sell customers on much more than just their clothes. Instead of selling books about clothes, many of these stores (the foremost being Urban Outfitters) take a chance on various media to boost sales. Below are 10 different examples of the ridiculous shit from Urban Outfitters that you can find whilst perusing the aisle not exactly looking to drop tons of money or looking for a gimmick/gag gift. Books are a big source of revenue, but there are a few other random items of note.

e02e0955d024d304cdce9fe59f8ab1b2Loop Dog Baggie Holder. Yeah, you heard that right. A bag container to hold the bags of shit from your dog. Not sure there’s much more description needed for this one.

Light My Fire Fork. While I appreciate The Doors reference, why would I want to spend 8 bucks on a fork to hold marshmallows when I can walk out back and using a fucking stick? Great idea guys. Best you had tons of people fighting you over that patent.

Earmark Pencil Pack. These pencils are sold at rate of $1.50 each. Pencils. Do kids even use pencils in school anymore? I barely remember how to write in cursive. Fuck a pencil. 9 bucks is a little much for something you will literally never use.

Just Ride. A book basically telling you how to ride a bike like you’re a little kid. Or a book for pedophiles. Who needs a book to tell them how to ride a bike? Then again,as has been proven by Lauren Conrad, anyone can write a book.

California Surfing and Climbing in the Fifties. Not that California Surfing and Climbing in 2014 sounds any better.

b6a15a462e9a87917840defa0cfb4de0Mahina Mermaid Merfin. Merman, MERMAN! But seriously. Why would you ever want one of these? And since when was something that was ever eco-friendly actually cheap? This shit is certainly not worth 100 dollars.

Make It Rain Confetti. And I get dumber for each and every new thing I see on here. Who wants to make it rain with fake dollar bills? That sounds more like a pity party than anything else.

6d5d1295fdfc3e014bade1f72f702a8fUnicorn Mask. Not only is there no clever name, but the product itself isn’t clever either. What is the point of having one these things? Didn’t know Urban Outfitters catered to Furries too.

Worry Stone. Apparently if you rubbed it on your thumb when you’re worried it relieves your pain. Sounds about as reliable as those lame silver energy bracelets. Some scientologist probably invented this shit.

Assorted Mustache Party Box. There’s no better way to get ready for a big night out than to throw on a fake mustache to further creep out every girl within a 10 foot radius. Sounds like a solid investment of 12 bucks to me!

 

 

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RANDOM BUT RELATIVE

Beer Me

Mondays are dreadful and always wreaking havoc on how we move forward (or don’t) during the week. Tuesdays tend to the days wear we try to stay productive and depending on how the week has started we either dive into a night of Netflix or jump onto the treadmill to try and live off of endorphins for the week. Thursdays are being thirsty and getting just drunk enough to make it to work the next day. And then there’s Fridays. It doesn’t get any better. But what about Wednesday? There’s really nothing spectacular about the day. It’s Hump Day. But what does that even mean? It’s in the middle of the week so you’re supposed to get laid? That’s gotta get old after a while.

Brew Dogs. On Esquire Network at 9 pm.

Brew Dogs. On Esquire Network at 9 pm.

Well for most younger people, or people in general, sitting home on a weekday evening when it’s gorgeous outside might not be the prototypical way to spend your time. And yes, there’s always TiVo or whatever kind of taping that your cable service offers. And watching TV on-demand might be easier in this case, but just bare with me here for a second. Esquire Network’s new lineup of TV shows had to start with some retreads and syndicated headliners to get viewers interested. The network actually was originally the Style Network and has been changed into a metrosexual channel focusing on travel, cooking, and fashion. Personally, I think it’s genius. But regardless of what you think of it overall, there’s two shows that even the least metro dude/bro ever would still appreciate.

Best Bars In America on at 10 pm.

Best Bars In America on at 10 pm.

These two shows are Brew Dogs and Best Bars In America. What dude doesn’t love beer? If you’ve gotta learn something new, it doesn’t hurt that it’s about beer and the pursuits of drinking beer, right? Well, not to be confused with the Irish brewing company in the singular form, Brew Dogs follows to bros that own one of the biggest breweries in the United Kingdom as they tour the United States and their favorite craft beers. Every guy seems to want to try their hand at brewing beer, but few ever really know what the fuck is going on. These guys show viewers how it’s done and what to aim for. And if all else, you can drink bottled beer while watching them drink on TV. It’s all very interested to both the novice and seasoned drinker/brewer. So assuming you’re not going out, it’s conveniently on at 9 pm just as you’ve grown tired watching the baseball game but won’t interfere with watching football. The same goes for the show that follows it at 10 pm, Best Bars In America. This show actually follows two comedians around mostly big cities while they check out the best bars of all kinds. Checking in at the happiest of happy hours and the hippest of dive bars, Jay Larson and Sean Patton keep things fun and light-hearted while offering insight and reputable opinions.

So if you’re stuck with nothing to do or want to drink a beer and want to watch a show or two about drinking beers without the hassle of paying 6 bucks for a domestic bottle then Brew Dogs and Best Bars In America are for you. What else do you have going on Wednesday nights?

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