SPORTS

Obscure Sports Quarterly

Decorated poker champion, Phil Helmuth.

Decorated poker champion, Phil Helmuth.

Okay, so I ripped the name from a faux magazine in the movie Dodgeball that Milton from Office Space (because I can’t remember his real name) finds the ADAA Dodgeball Tournament posted in. But ever since the introduction of reality television, people all over the world have been enamored with the idea of watching regular dudes do things that any other Joe Schmo could be doing at that very moment. Slowly but surely the sporting world has come around and various sporting events that weren’t at one point considered strategy or tests of patience plus intelligence have become regular television events.

Poker has gone from a online phenomenon to TV and back. Names like Phil Ivey and Phil Helmuth, Scotty Nguyen and Annie Duke are just a few names that were at the forefront of a first generation along with other bigger names that one might initially think of. And then came Chris Moneymaker. Not just his name, but also his humble beginnings (the beginning of the tournament anyways) were a point of emphasis for World Series of Poker (WSOP) organizers in hopes of pulling in more players year after year.

The show 2 Million 2 Months wasn’t on long and it wasn’t tough to see why. The idea of sitting around and blowing cash in online games sounds great, but the guys that were doing it were the lamest of lame. To capture the minds of those most interested in poker and making it a career, finding the everyman rather than the every-nerd is the best approach. Still, with the emergence of professional gaming and other different largely technologically-based platforms is very much due to the part played by poker and how far it has come so quickly. Given a better marketing/advertising initiative, it could very well be a top 10 sport in a country continually becoming influenced by technology each day.

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ETIQUETTE

Treat Yourself

Creepy adults still enjoy the perks of Halloween.

Creepy adults still enjoy the perks of Halloween.

As far back as time can trace it has been tradition for kids as young as 2 and as old as 14 (and that’s really pushing it) to go around their neighborhood or the one with the most houses and annoy the shit out of the people living there until they give you as much candy as possible. Sometimes you get healthy shit and hate your life. Other times they pass out homemade crap that your parents don’t want you to touch (understandably so). And in the most dire of situations, you walk up to the door of the sketchy neighbor in his underwear that rifles through his drawers to find stale “candy”.

Those are all tales of Halloween misfortune that makes the holiday tough to take, but what happens on the other side of things? When you have to grow up and be the guy on the other side of the door? Frankly, I’m still camped out on the couch watching Hocus Pocus and Witches. But as a lover of all things candy; it’s easy to get amped to hand out freebies to kids rolling through the city. Unfortunately, living in a nice part of the city, there’s more than a few assholes out there looking for free handouts. It’s not even so much the older kids that show up to get candy while “chaperoning” their younger siblings. Most of the time those kids are by themselves. Those kids suck, but there are worse people out there on Halloween.

The absolute worst culprits on Halloween are definitely adults. Yes. Adults. Fucking 30 or 40-year old dicks walking around (not always with kids) and saying “trick or treat”. It’s somewhere between sad and pathetic (which are obvi two different things). Most of em look like drug addicts, but some are from the homes much like us. It’s really ridiculous. Being my first Halloween living in a city last year I had no idea that this sort of thing happens. I’m gonna be ready this year though. Those fuckers are getting the worst of the worst candy fo sho. I’m gonna be handing out black licorice and laugh at all the stink faces I get. Oh well, Halloween is a holiday for kids and young adults. But adults shouldn’t be stealing candy. Fuck that.

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